Dilbertian Event

Here is a prime example of the Dilbertian nature of corporate America. One time our high powered leaders decided to have a town hall on quality. (Have you noticed how the word "quality" is used as if it's always preceded by the word "good"? I have, at times, clearly observed bad quality.) Anyway, these leaders offered to have us submit questions. I did so simply to try to raise awareness at the corporate level about an issue we can improve upon. A couple, of weeks later I received a message down through an interminably long management chain requesting me to answer my question. I did so and finished my reply with the following statement. "I hope my response to my question answers my question."

Problems

When dealing with a problem between you and someone else..... My suggestion is to, when speaking to the other person, start of by saying something like "We have a problem....." The reason is that it puts you and the other on the "same side" while the "problem" is the enemy of you both. Once you're both on the same side, then you can, together, explore possible solutions to the problem. By establishing shared ownership of the problem, the hard feelings have less chance to creep into one's perspective.

The reality is that us people can only think of one thing at a time so if one adopts a positive perspective, and looking for the solution to a problem is positive, there's no room for the negatives.

One more thing I have to say is that every problem already has a solution so the biggest effort anyone has is to search for it.

Finally, this too shall pass. The trick is to help it pass like ships in the night and not like a kidney stone. The ships like to have everyone working together!

Languages

Every once in a while in Corporate Computer-Land, we’d get a survey and one question asked if we spoke any other languages. I learned early on that I had to be my own ombudsman so rather than leave the response blank, I always listed 2 items so that my “skill” set was broader. The first was the infamous Acronym Language (Annoyingly Cryptic References Or Names You Make). There’s a boatload of acronyms in the computer world and since everyone was somewhat conversant I always added the second item. This was Pig Latin. I felt pretty safe listing both languages, and they could be considered languages to those who don’t speak either, because I knew I wouldn’t end up on some project in some obscure corner of the world simply because I spoke the local language.

The Last Time I was Spanked

When I did wrong, my Dad used to spank me. At the time I didn't know that it hurt him as much as it hurt me. The hurt was just different.

My Mom wanted me to learn to play the piano. I'd much rather play than to travel across town to copy notes to a scale and plink around on a piano.

I skipped the lesson one time. On that particularly beautiful day the lure of the swimming pool was just too strong. When asked to explain, I planned on just saying, "I forgot" even though I hadn't. In thinking about my excuse, I decided that I might need a backup plan to stave off any possible physical repercussions so I bought a package of my Dad's favorite candy.

The swimming was great. Afterwards, I scurried home on my bike to carry out my plan. I placed the candy under my pillow thinking that I'd pull it out in a triumph of love prior to my Dad doling out the spanking I figured I was due. I was far too slow and I got the spanking before I could hold up the candy shield. I remember sitting there, crying, as I pulled the package of candy out from under my pillow. I held it up to my Dad, saying, "Here Dad, I bought this for you because I love you."

My Dad just melted. He never spanked me again. Even though I did get my well-deserved spanking, it worked out very well in the end. That was my last spanking.

My Favorite Movie

When my son was brand new I was still cooking professionally. The last place I cooked was not the classic French cuisine I cooked at the Olympic Hotel’s Golden Lion. It was at Fasano’s in Issaquah, simply because I worked days, Monday through Friday.

Anyway, Fasano’s was chosen as a location for a made-for-TV movie named The Secret Life of John Chapman. The star was Ralph Waite, the daddy on the Waltons. He was a college professor who didn’t understand his kids because he’d never worked anywhere but a university. He therefore took a sabbatical to “work in the real world” to better understand the son. One place he worked was a restaurant. Fasano’s was it. I was the “experienced” cook and he came in knowing nothing. I was supposed to be an extra but after the first scene they made me an actor instead. This was partially because even though I had told Ralph that the bread drawer would come all the way out to the floor if, upon opening it, one didn’t stand close enough he pulled it all the way out. At least he didn’t hit his foot as it could have broken a toe. The scene was still filming as he picked the drawer up to try to get it back in place. He couldn’t get it reinserted in the tracks and I knew he was dying out there so I jumped in and took the drawer and put it back in place. As I took the drawer I looked at him and adlibbed “Are you sure you’ve done this before!” With the drawer back in place, the scene ended.

The movie was a good experience and actually the bucks earned as an actor rather than an extra finished paying for the raggedy ol’ Trev’s entry into the world. He’s my son. Of all the movies I’ve ever seen, that’s the one that sticks out most in my mind.

Silence

My mother used to say, “It’s better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” It would seem to me that this advice might be embraced by many, if not most, in congress. Those who spew forth opinions as if they were facts and end up calling others names simply because their opinions differ clearly should learn that silence is the best and surest way to hide ignorance.

The Corporate Costume

I was guilty of caving in and wearing the attire or costume inflicted on people living in corporate America.

After going to business casual, I had a dark blue, collared, pullover shirt that was a favorite. Unfortunately it developed a small, ¼ inch, hole over the heart. I was wearing it one day when my manager noticed the hole and promptly mandated that I ought NOT to wear shirts with holes, no matter how small.

Now, given the fact that I don’t do orders well, every once in a while I’d forget and wear the shirt. I’d never realize it until I was at work. Having a fairly well-developed ability to consider alternatives, the first time I wore it I thought of my options.

The first was to go home and change. I immediately rejected that as not practical. Therefore I needed an alternative.

It took about a minute to realize that if my manager couldn’t see the hole, it wouldn’t morph into an issue. So I set out to find a dark blue marker, one of those with the thick tips. I proceeded to place a ½ inch dot behind the hole, thus masking it from view.

My manager never noticed the hole so I used the background dotting with that shirt from that point on. It worked well.

"You", not "I"

Have you noticed that when folks are interviewed by a reporter after some disconcerting event, they describe their feelings with the pronoun "you" and not the first person singular pronoun of "I"?

I can't help but wonder if, by using the "you" the person being interviewed prefers to describe their feelings from a group perspective so that they aren't alone in experiencing them. It seems to me that anonymity is broader in a group and personal responsibility is lessened.

Spam and the Do Not Call List

I have 2 intruders in my home and can’t seem to get rid of them. I suspect that most everyone else has the same 2 intruders. I’m speaking of telemarketers and spammers. I’ve figured out a way that seems to lessen the numbers of each that intrude upon my quietude.

I introduce the telemarketers to the spammers. I take the phone number of the calling person and do a quick Internet search to find out where they are so I can get city, state and zip code. I then open the email spam and press the inevitable link to some web site with a form . I have firewalls and anti-virus apps to protect myself. Once at the spammer’s site, I fill out their form using the telephone number and derived information from the telemarketer. I always use a street name of 2nd, or Main St., or 1st because towns almost always have one of those streets. I then submit the form.

It’s amazing how the frequency of phone calls has lessened. Another benefit is that the whole thing tickles me. I picture the telemarketers leaving me alone because they are busy responding to the spammers.

Goals and Objectives

Didja ever run into corporate America’s penchant for setting goals and objectives on a regular basis. They were to be SMART goals. SMART is an acronym (Annoyingly Cryptic References Or Names You Make) standing for Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant and Timely. Every time I got traded to a new manager I had to go through this nonsense.

I know that some people find usefulness in this goal setting exercise. I find doing so to be terribly limiting. I have an insatiable wondering that is constantly outside the boundaries of some set of predefined goals or objectives. Besides, the minute they are set every manager I ever had checked my name off the list and neither of us ever looked at them again. When I had a manager that would dredge them up later, I always made sure that my hallowed list of objectives either just listed what I was already doing or listed things I had done that I hadn’t mentioned to my manager so that they didn’t affect me.

I never hid my feelings about them to any manager, telling each that the whole exercise was a load of CRAP (Completely Ridiculous And Problematic). I’d then point out that unless I was specifically given the wherewithal to meet those objectives I was being set up for failure. I never found anyone who could definitively tell me how limiting my options to a predefined list benefited me or them. BTW, my way resulted in the development of productivity tools that were used across EDS when I got tired of repetitively doing the same things all the time. Had I been tied to a finite set of objectives, the productivity tools would not have been developed and shared.

‘Course maybe this resistance to structured crap was probably partially why I got traded to other managers so often. LOL

Standing In Line

It seems to me that we'd have FAR fewer people who needed help if we didn't have so many people standing in line to help them.

However, since we do have so many standing in line to "help", I may decide to join them by starting a self-help group for Female Gay Whales with Aids. I may never have to work again if I can get this group off the ground.

Rampant Outrage and Paradigms

It's interesting to me how quickly people embrace outrage at the drop of a syllable. Generally, in my view, if said outraged busy bodies, who's heads are so porous that there's no place for any convictions, would just keep their mouths shut whatever happened that caused them to press their outrage button would quietly blow over.

On the contrary, rather than quietly allowing triggered events to blow over, these selfish, inward looking people immediately foist their preferences upon others without ever realizing that they are inflicting their stilted paradigms on them. All too frequently their outraged anger just serves to violate the freedoms of others.

Talk about "optical rectosis"!!!!!!!

Calming Affect

I was told that L-Theanine, an amino acid derivative from the Camellia sinensis plant, has a natural calming affect and helps to relieve stress.  My Beloved sits next to a nice lady who finds it necessary to talk all the time.  This constant chatter gets in the way of the successful completion of assigned tasks.  I suggested that she might give the talkative co-worker a Theanine capsule and tell her that it will give you a calming affect if she will place it against one lip and hold it tightly in place with the other.

For some reason my thoughtfully crafted advice was shunned.

Thinking of the Trev

A short time after my son moved out of our home in Poulsbo, WA, he moved to Florida. I sent him "care" packages. In one, I placed a slice of cheddar cheese in a sandwich bag with the note, "I was sitting around cutting the cheese one night and thought I'd share it with you." The package and cheese made it safely to him although he said that the cheese was gross.

Opinions!

I freely admit that I have so many opinions that some of them are bound to be wrong.  If I don't get the data needed to change them, I'll keep them.  However, if another's "data" consists of nothing more than their preferences, I'll keep my opinions because I know the data upon which my opinions are based.